Dancing for the rain

By Stella Säfström 24/09-09.

Read my lips. I don’t belong here. Read my lips. What they say is true. Read my lips. They will never catch me. Read my lips.
I don’t belong here, no more.

Richard ran away from home when he was ten. That’s a long time ago. Richard won’t remember. He won’t stop telling himself that it’s in the past. That it’s forgotten.
No, Richard isn’t ten years old. No, no more. He’s older now, turning seventeen, but still running for his life. After years and years of frustration he still has the same nightmares. The same people are still watching him in his sleep. Because, you know what?
Richard is never alone.

There is a city, somewhere in England. Richard knows where, but he won’t tell us. He says he’s from the city. And that he ran off from there. We have asked Richard, several times now, why he ran away. But Richard won’t speak. He just turns away, stays silent and looks into the wall. Richard doesn’t like the walls here. They are grey, and Richard won’t be. They don’t match, the walls and Richard. They are from different times, with different perspectives. Richard knows about all the circumstances. That we won’t let him go until he says something of relevance.
Yes, Richard knows all the rules.

It is day 203 and Richard still won’t tell what he runs from. He wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming. A doctor comes in and tells him it will be alright. Then we inject him. He falls asleep too soon to stop our actions. No, Richard has no intentions to stop our progress.
Because Richard has only us.

Richard has a hard time sleeping. When we walk in to his cell in the morning, he’s often already awake. This concerns us. It’s not good for us. He could realize things he shouldn’t understand. Small boys should not understand big secrets. And Richard is too small. He’s too small to understand.
Richard knows that this is not Richards business.

We need to talk, Richard. Richard, wake up. Richard is sitting in his cell. He asks of the birds again. But the birds are gone, we tell him. But Richard won’t stop staring into the wall. The sun doesn’t shine here Richard. The birds have flown. It is not their time. Wake up Richard.
But Richard is already awake.

When Richard was ten, he ran away from home. No one knows why. He ran out in the forest. He ran for several miles, for no one near here has ever seen him before. He ran, and where he got to, he won’t tell us. But it took years before he came here. But we are glad that Richard came to stay here. He is a part of our big loving family. Richard has wondered where his sisters are. But for the moment, it is not secure for him to meet with them. But he will. Some day.

Richard, wake up. Stop dancing for the rain. It will never fall here.