What did I do wrong?

I walk around in an unconscious blur.

“Don’t leave me”

“I won’t leave you”

You smile. Oh, I’m in love with that smile. You squeeze my hand. I look down, smiling of joy. The sun glisters at my blond hair, the room filled with light. You won’t leave me. This moment will last for ever.

“I hate you, you know that?”

My eyes are filled with tears. Don’t do this to me. Why are you doing this to me?

“You won’t leave me alone, what is it that you don’t understand?”

You are angry. Stop. I didn’t mean to, never wanted to…

“All you ever did was to hurt me!”

You’re screaming now. My heart is beating so hard, I can’t breathe, the panic, the anxiety, stop. I never meant to-

“Why are you here?”

I look at you. You look confused, angry, hurt. You are hurt. What did I do?

“I love you” I say

All your energy pours out of you. Suddenly you’re tired. Your face relaxes. Your muscles relax, you look down. You take some deep breaths. Then you get tense again. Your face hardens. You are angry all over again. Hurt.

“Isn’t it too late to say that now?” You say, monotonically

“I –“

“Why now? Just go. Leave me alone. I can’t take this anymore”

You turn around, walk away.

I scream. You don’t come back. I fall to the ground. Shaking.

What did I do wrong?