Self-destruct

Not a good one by Stella Säfström

"You're not who you used to be"
"Who was I then?"
You sigh. Your eyes are troubled. You are troubled. Me? Defensive.
"I don't know"
"Exactly"
Agressive. Why? You are trying to tell me something. I? I won't listen.
"You don't know who I am or who I was, so don't tell me how to-"
"Well" you interrup "Isn't that the problem?"
Confused, I stop talking. I need to hear this.
"You see" you continue "If I don't know who you are, then why should I keep this up?"
I don't answer. The question wasn't asked to be answered.
"Why keep on seeing you? You won't let me in, so why am I here?"
No answer. Why are you here?
"Why do I keep on pushing when you obviously don't want me to?"
"Yes, why?"
You didn't excpect that one.
"Excuse me?"
"Why do you keep on coming here, huh? I don't want you here"
"Why do you keep on doing this to me?"
"Dunno"
You sigh. Agressively.
"Am I your toy? You want me when you want me, and then it ends, right?"
"No, that's not-"
"What is it then?"
You're calm again. Good.
"I don't know"
"Do you want me to leave?"
No.
"Do you?"
No, stay. I look away.
"Look at me!"
Please stay.
"Hello?"
"Hi" I look at you again
"Do you want me to leave?"
No.
"Yes"
You stand up. What are you doing? This can't happen, you never left before.
"Where are you going?"
Desperation in my voice. Fuck.
"To the one place you want me to be"
The door closes. My chances lost.
To the one place you want me to be. 
If that is true, you would be here.

Why do I keep on punishing myself like this?